Saturday, November 17, 2012

That's Okay

Anyone who has talked with me in this last week and has bothered to ask, will know that we have had a rough week at our house. (I sure wish grief would give us a schedule ahead of time so we could be a little better prepared for the extra-hard days/weeks!).

It's been several days since I've posted anything...mostly because I've been too busy sitting in my own anger, sadness and bitterness to bother putting together anything coherent. At first, I felt so guilty about the way I was feeling and spent quite a bit of energy trying to pull myself out of it but ultimately realized that it was where I needed to be for a little while.  I get so caught up in what I "should" feel or say or do that I find myself ignoring how I actually feel or what I want to say or what I need to do. 

I am finally realizing that I'm just not as in control of all of this as I want to be...and that has to be okay.  As long as I don't stop trying to control whatever is in my power, it's okay that I can't control all of it.  I am going to have to accept that some days, it will be a victory to get everyone out of bed and make sure that we are all fed and dressed.  On those days, there will probably be dishes in the sink and laundry on the floor.  That's okay.  Other days, life will feel pretty normal...I'll make full meals, our clothes will match, the laundry will get done and the dishes will all be put away.  That's okay too.

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