How Do You Break A Heart On Purpose?

We told the girls tonight - A wasn't terribly interested, but T was a whole different story.

I had ordered two children's books from Amazon - Something Happened and We Had an Angel Instead -  and they arrived today.  I've been wanting so badly to tell T each time she asks about the baby because it seemed so dishonest to do otherwise.  So when we opened up the package, we all sat down and read them together.  The books were honestly worth every penny and as difficult as it was, they helped.

I read Something Happened first and couldn't stop the tears from silently falling as I read; honest to God, I had every intention of keeping it together but it didn't happen that way.  A immediately wiped my cheek and repeated "'Kay? 'Kay." as is her habit whenever she thinks anyone is upset.  T simply wanted to know why I was sad.  This ended up being a really good way to talk to her about being sad - a way to let her know that it's okay to cry and be sad but that we can still be happy too.  

When the story was over, we told T that the baby in Mommy's tummy was sick.  We told her that the baby was going to grow in Mommy's tummy for a little while still, but wouldn't be able to come home from the hospital with us.  ("But I want the baby to come home, I want to keep her!")  We explained that the baby would have a big owie on the head and that the doctors weren't going to be able to fix it ("But if they put medicine on it, it will get better." "No, honey-it's a really big boo-boo and the baby isn't going to get better." "Then they can use LOTS and LOTS of medicine.").  We let her know that we would all get to meet the baby at the hospital, but that the baby was going to die ("But I don't want the baby to die! I want a baby sister!").  We talked about how the baby would be an angel and could go live in Heaven with God and Grandma ("And our balloons! The baby can fleeew up to Heaven just like my balloon did and A's balloon did!").  Then she wanted to know if we could buy balloons to send up to Heaven for the baby, of course we said we would.

She also talked about wanting to hold the baby and hold her hands so she could teach her to walk ("I can hold her hands and help her walk! Cuz she'll get bigger while she's growing in your tummy!").  Once we explained that the baby would still be very tiny when it was born and wouldn't be able to walk, then T was adamant about getting to hold the baby ("Mommy and Daddy can put her in my lap and I'll hold her. But if she wants me to put her down, I'll give her back to Mommy.").  She seemed satisfied with knowing that she'll get to hold the baby and meet him/her before the baby "flews" up to Heaven.

The rest of the night was a lot of repeating those same questions and reading each book another five times...interestingly, she never wants to read books over and over again anymore like she used to but that seemed to be her way of processing everything.  Each time we got to the page that said "Our baby died because something happened" she wanted to know what happened to the baby in the story, so we would explain that maybe their baby was sick or was too little or maybe his body just didn't work quite right. Then she would ask, "Like the baby in your tummy is sick?"  So we would start again and go through each question for her.  I know it won't be the last time we answer these questions, but it was so interesting to watch her processing and working through everything.  As for A, she'll be nearly two when the baby is born and will likely understand more then than she does now, so I suppose we'll just do the best we can and help her however seems best along the way.

**I know there are those of you reading this who are going to disagree with our decision to inform the girls about what is going on and with our decision to bring the girls to the hospital.  And that is okay.  Luckily for you...they aren't your children and this isn't your situation.  If you know us, you know that this isn't a decision we came to lightly and know that it is one we've done plenty of research into.  Rest assured that we've made the decision that we feel is best for our children and our family and we appreciate your support.**