Footprints

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   This has always been one of my favorites. I've always enjoyed the notion that God was there to carry us through our darkest moments.  I actually like it so much that I even got four little footprints tattooed across the top of my left foot a few years ago.   It is no secret that I have been struggling with my faith this last month and I'm nowhere near the end of the quest. There are days where I want nothing to do with God and am so angry that I don't want to even think about talking to Him or uttering a single prayer.  There are other days where I desperately try to still believe that He is in control and is truly there for us.  There are even occasional days where I feel His strength or see some circumstance that has helped prepare us for all of this and know that we aren't entirely alone. There is no real rhyme or reason as to what category a given day will fall into; at this point, it is still kind of random.   Last night, however, as I was putting Abby to bed and had some quiet moments to myself as she was drifting to sleep, I started thinking about the footprints on my foot and what they mean to me.  I got them shortly after Chris's mom passed away in 2006; it was partly because of how much I have always loved "Footprints" but also because it was one of her favorites too and it seemed like a fitting way to honor her memory.  I have always thought of them as a reminder to myself that God is always with me and will carry me when I need Him.   In the last month, I have completely ignored that reminder and felt like we were just roaming the beach of life without anyone to walk beside us.  Tonight, however, I ended up having a quiet conversation with God, not really intentionally but just as a natural consequence of pondering our footprints right now.  I found myself asking God to help me let him carry me right now because I'm overwhelmed and not sure how to keep making footprints of my own.   I think that's what it comes down to...I don't have to ask God to carry me.  I have to figure out how to let that happen.  That is the biggest obstacle to my faith these days: I want to believe in God, I want to trust God, I want to find comfort in God... I'm just having a rough time with knowing how to do it all right now but I do believe that I'll get there eventually.