Baby Girl...probably. :)

Yesterday we had our first doctor appointment since receiving our diagnosis - hard to believe it has been an entire month.

Chris and I were both pretty apprehensive about how the appointment would go; we really didn't get a chance to talk with my doctor after the initial ultrasound because we probably wouldn't have heard anything she said anyway.  Since we weren't exactly sure what to expect and didn't know how well it would go for us, my younger sister came up to stay with the girls (many thanks Jules!) and Chris and I had the opportunity to have a nice quiet lunch beforehand.

Our regular nurse was the one who took us back, so she said nothing about the fact that I've lost eight pounds this month; she didn't need to.  She also asked gently how we were doing and said she had been thinking about us all month.  She also told us that she had thought about calling me one day last week just to check in and gave us both a hug before she stepped out of the room.  (She has been with us from the time we first found out Tori would be joining us, so we've gotten to know her over the last five years.)

A few minutes later, our doctor came in and pulled out the stool.  Usually our visits are quick and there is no need to sit, but she sat and discussed all of our questions and gave us her point of view on several things.  There was no rush and it was clear that we had as much time as was needed.  We talked about how unfair the world can be because she just had another couple earlier in the day who was coping with a miscarriage, despite the fact that they were a loving couple who wanted their child and would've been great parents, much like us.  We discussed our visit with the perinatal specialist and she said they were happy to do any other detailed ultrasounds that needed done.  We mentioned that we wish we'd gotten to find out gender so people quit referring to baby as "it."  Her response?  "Well come on, we'll just go across the hall and take a peek."

She grabbed the nurse as we rounded the desk and we all went in to take a peek at baby.  I was already almost in tears before the images on the screen came up; although I thanked her several times, I don't know if she will ever really understand how much this meant to me and to Chris - there is a very real chance that we will see our baby alive more in ultrasounds than we will in real life.  Once again, Baby was being less than cooperative (and once again Chris blames me for this) and the umbilical cord was right between those two incredibly long legs.  Baby Girl looked quite comfortable with her legs all stretched out, tapping one tiny foot. The doctor spent quite a bit of time checking out different angles and said she is reasonably certain that Baby #3 is a little girl.  :)

Then the doctor told us, "Well, we can always take another look when you come back in next month and try to see for sure."  After that, she and her nurse both took the time to say some of the kindest words I think I've heard in the last month, "If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to call.  Please don't think that, because of the circumstances, we're going to blow you off or treat you any differently.  Don't think that you have to wait until the next appointment, just call if you need anything at all."  This should seem pretty obvious, but it's actually an amazing reassurance to offer someone in our shoes.

We left knowing that she is our doctor for a reason - I can not imagine going through this with a practitioner who didn't understand us and with whom we weren't comfortable.  There is no doubt in my mind that she supports our choices and will do her best to do what is best for us.  I also have no doubt that she is struggling with what we are facing and truly cares for us, not just as patients but also as parents.