That First Decision

One of the first decisions with which we found ourselves faced was also the most important; I don't know if I would say it was the most difficult though. Basically, we had to decide - what do we about the diagnosis we just received? We will be meeting with a specialist on Monday to discuss our official options, but I know enough to already know what paths we are facing. And really, none of them are especially appealing.

The first option is to elect for an immediate termination of the pregnancy.  We discussed this option and quickly discarded it.  Despite the fact that our baby has no chance for survival, he or she is still our child. We knew that this wasn't a decision that we could wake up and face every morning.

The second option is to carry to term and hold our child for as long as we are able before he or she passes. Obviously this means another four or five months of pregnancy during which I know that we will never get to bring this baby home from the hospital but it means a few minutes or a few hours of holding him or her in our arms.

The third option, and one that we aren't even sure will be offered, is to have an induction done and deliver now.  With this option, there is no guarantee that the induction will work at twenty weeks.  We may end up with a c-section or having to wait to term anyway.

The fourth option, and another one that we aren't sure will be offered, is to carry to term and make the decision for tissue donation.  If it is offered (or if I can find somewhere close where it is offered), this will be our first choice.  As difficult as the next five months would be, we could at least take some small comfort in knowing that our child helped spare other families the pain that we are feeling right now.

Please know and understand that I am not asking for anyone's thoughts or opinions on what choice we should make.  We are the only ones to make that decision and we are the ones who will have to live with that decision for the rest of our lives.  My brother said it best in response to another family member who was feeling helpless - "She isn't looking for anyone to give advice or tell her what to do.  She is just looking for support for whatever decisions she makes."  He couldn't be more right.