A Brief Shining Moment

"Continuing the pregnancy is not about passively waiting for death. It is about actively embracing the brief, shining moment of this little life."  http://www.perinatalhospice.org/FAQs.html

What a beautiful way to think about this little life - a brief, shining moment. 

Some days, and these are the bad days I've mentioned, it does feel like we are just sitting around waiting for death.  Other days, I realize what precious little time we have with this child and strive to enjoy every single second.

When I look back on this time, I don't want to remember all of the grief, the tears, the pain, the anger, and the sadness.  I want to remember feeling him/her kicking.  I want to remember watching my belly grow as our child grew.  I want to remember talking to this baby just like I did with each of the girls when I was carrying them.  I want to remember each little hiccup. I want to remember the time that we'll spend at the hospital holding him or her.  I want to remember showing this baby all of the love that it is possible to give.  I want to remember seeing the girls meet their sibling.

And I'll want to remember all of the things that other mothers complain about and take for granted - I want to remember having to go pee every twenty minutes.  I want to remember all the stretched ligaments and pinched nerves.  I want  to remember my backaches.  I want to remember my fingers and feet swelling.  I want toremember the discomfort of each contraction. Why would I want to remember these things too?  Because they are all a part of what few memories I will get to have with my third child.  In the past, I've been just as guilty as other mommas about complaining during those last few weeks or months, but not this time - how could I possibly complain when those things are really just such small irritations when you're looking at the big picture?