Tuesday, October 23, 2012

True Believers

True Believers - Darius Rucker  

Church bells ringin’ on our wedding day
Climb in that limo and we rode away
Guess you’ll always hear some people say
They’re never gonna make it

We settled in and we settled down
In this quiet little seaside town
You were the rock I built my world around
And life won’t ever break it

We are one heartbeat in the darkness
We are one lasting answered prayer
We are one unbroken promise
We are two true believers

It wasn’t easy gettin’ here today
Sometimes you stumbled, or I lost my way
But every roadblock was a chance to say
Take my hand, I’m here beside you

We worked and made it through the toughest parts
Now every day is another chance to start
To look around and see that where we are
Is where we were trying to get to

We are one heartbeat in the darkness
We are one lasting answered prayer
We are one unbroken promise
We are two true believers

We are one before our God in Heaven
Oh, we are one road when the going gets rough, yeah
We are one now and forever
We are one name, one life, one flame

We are one heartbeat in the darkness
We are one lasting answered prayer
We are one unbroken promise
That we are two true believers
We are two true believers

I heard this on the radio on my way to work one night recently, actually a night after Chris and I had been discussing our relationship and all that we've been going through.  The song fit so perfectly with what we had been feeling and what we had been talking about that it was almost too perfect for me to have found it by accident while scanning through the presets.

"Take my hand, I'm here beside you" is probably one of my favorite lines.  I can't imagine going through this experience with anyone other than Chris by my side; he is an incredible father and an amazing husband.  There have been a lot of times in the last two weeks where the only thing we can do is to hold one another's hands or share a quiet hug.  Even without saying a word, sometimes such a simple gesture is all that is really necessary.

I suppose I took it for granted that he would be by my side and that we would walk this path together.  But after reading the words of several other mothers who have faced the same or similar situations, I realize how wrong I was to make this assumption.  (Depending on what you read, the statistics for divorce after losing a child vary wildly but it doesn't take much more than common sense to realize that it's going to put a strain on any relationship.)  The fact that we have been able to come closer together instead of being pushed apart is no accident and it certainly isn't a given.  We've been honest from day one that we know how difficult this situation could be on a marriage; it was actually a part of our discussions in the hotel room the day we received the diagnosis.  We agreed that throughout the months and even years to come that our relationship needed to remain a part of the discussion and decided to be aware of how we were doing individually and as a couple.

I'm not crazy about giving advice and it isn't something I intend to do so explicitly here, but for whatever reason I feel compelled to do it with this subject.  ~ I suppose this rings true for any couple, but especially for those who are facing the loss or illness of a child:  Don't be afraid to be honest - you have to be there to support one another because at the end of the day, you are the only two people in the world who are inside of your situation.  You are the only two people who will ever be able to fully understand what the other is going through because you both share the life and loss of a single child.

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