Outshining

I know I haven't been writing very often; some of that is because I don't have a lot of quiet time for it (unless it's 1:00am and I'm the only one awake, kind of like right now) and some of it is simply because I'm having a hard time finding the right words these days.

We've got just thirteen days left until our induction is scheduled on 3/4.  Even as I sit here now, and I got out of bed solely for the purpose of trying to put some thoughts down, I'm still not sure exactly how I feel about that fact.  

There is, of course, the part of me that is just like any other mother - so excited to finally meet the life I've been carrying inside of me for the last nine months.  That part of me can not wait to feel the joy of finally cradling her in my arms, holding those tiny little hands, counting all ten tiny baby toes, introducing her to her older sisters and snuggling her tight to my chest. 

There is also the part of me that is so very scared of labor, just like I was with both of the other girls.  There is a very normal fear that comes with it and I think, at one point or another, most moms would really just prefer to skip over labor and delivery and get right to that whole "holding your new baby" part.  That's kind of where I fall right now.  Don't get me wrong...I had absolutely beautiful labor experiences before and wouldn't change a thing about either one, but I had the same feelings in the weeks leading up to them. 

The rest of me is filled with anxieties about all the factors that are unique to Aurora's birth and life.  I know that we have done as much planning and preparation as we could possibly do.  I know that no amount of anxiety and lost sleep is going to change a thing.  I know that there comes a point when I really do have to just let go and trust that things will happen as they are meant to.  I also know that we have an overwhelming amount of prayer and support to help us through whatever happens.  And I know that when all is said and done, we will still have had the opportunity to celebrate the life of one very special little baby.

That special little life is what makes every second of pain, anxiety and fear absolutely worth it.  I have no doubt that the joy, love, and grace that she will bring to our lives will far outshine all of those other moments.