Making Arrangements

I finally called the funeral home yesterday.  A little over a month ago, my friend Courtney recommended several in the area and had really good things to say about one in particular.  It's taken me this long to call them.  (Honestly though, when you think about it...how eager would you be to make that call if you found yourself in my shoes?  Exactly.)

I was amazed at how compassionate and incredibly kind the man on the other end of the phone was.   I know in that particular line of work...you should expect kindness and compassion, but I'm fairly certain that isn't always the case.  It's a family owned business that has been in the community for nearly 65 years and is currently operated by two brothers and their children.  Honestly, just reading the biographies on their website was touching - they consider their profession to truly be "a calling to the funeral ministry." 

I started out by explaining our situation, which I managed to do without choking up too much, and he expressed his sympathies.  Then he wanted to make sure I knew that they do not charge any fees for children's services and we would only need to worry about arrangements for a plot and burial.  He let me know that he would be praying for us, and since he is also the pastor of a nearby church, he would be asking his congregation to lift us up in prayer also.

There have been only a few times lately when I have been so overwhelmed that I can't make it through a conversation without tears, but this was one of them.  To hear the compassion and genuine sadness in his voice for the loss of our child and to know that they are so sincere that they would donate their services to bereaved parents, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed. 

We have an appointment set for ten days from now - sooner would probably have been better but with three different schedules to consider, it will be soon enough.  The plus side is that it gives us a more focused timeline for finally making some of the decisions that we've been putting off.  I know that I'll feel better once we finally have a plan in place, but actually working toward planning a funeral service for your child is heart-wrenching.

There are so many questions, so many details to put into place and you want things to be just right, but what does that even mean?  This isn't the way things are supposed to be.  Funerals are supposed to be for your 92 year old grandma - someone with a favorite song or flower or poem.  Someone who has had an entire lifetime for you to remember.  You are supposed to be able to tell stories about all the sweet, crazy, funny things she's done in her 92 years.  You aren't supposed to have to bury a baby who barely even got a start at life.  You aren't supposed to have to bury your children at all...this isn't the way it's supposed to work.