Heavy Heart

I'm not even sure I have the words right now to make a complete post, but this is one of those times where I have a head and heart full of so much and I'm afraid that if I don't let some of them out, I just might burst.

I learned a little while ago that one of the Momma friends that I have made along this journey has died.  I don't know all the details, but I do know of the struggles she has endured in the weeks since her daughter passed away (her name is Emilee and her daughter is Leila Grace).  Regardless of exactly what happened, she has left behind a family and a network of friends who are grieving for her and are in shock that she is no longer with us.

Emilee's blog was the first I came across when I started searching the internet for all I could find on anencephaly; she had received the diagnosis just one day before we did.  Unfortunately, her little girl was born early at 26 weeks and she wasn't blessed with being able to carry her daughter to term like she had wanted.  I know this only added to the struggles she faced and made an already difficult situation even more heart-wrenching. 

Her words, and later her friendship, not only inspired me to share our story through this blog but she was also a strong ally who was battling many of the same thoughts, feelings, fears and emotions that I have been facing, and often at roughly the same time.  We were from different parts of the country and never had the opportunity to meet in person, but the condition our daughters shared brought us together and I will forever be grateful for the strength and wisdom she shared with me in the short time I knew her.

Although I don't know for certain whether Emilee's death was a suicide or not, I know that she had been struggling a lot recently.  I can't help but feel like this is a fitting time to mention the resources that exist for those who are considering suicide as an option.  You can call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK to be connected with someone 24 hours a day (I work for the Hotline and would also be happy to talk with you if you would prefer).  You can also go to the nearest ER if you feel that you are in immediate danger.  Talk to friends, talk to family, talk to your priest...just talk to someone you trust; tell them how you are feeling and reach out for help.